Understanding others is easier if we understand ourselves

Of all the skills we need to be happy and successful in life, getting on with others has to be among the most important. # Emotional Intelligence  In order to get on with other people we need to understand them, and the best way to understand others is to understand ourselves, because as we will explore, beyond the screen of our awareness, the human mind functions in the same way in everyone. Physically we think we are unique because we look different but scientists say that 99.9% of our DNA is the same, so biologically we are very similar. Psychologically we feel we are even more unique.  

# Emotional Intelligence   https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/  We may speak different languages, come from different cultures or countries, and have had different experiences. These are the contents of our memory. We identify ourselves with this content, which is unique, and this creates the sense of us being separate individuals. Behind the scenes however, despite our apparent differences, our minds function in the same way. Take the example of a couple who are arguing about what they should spend their money on. She may want a new phone and he may want to go on holiday. Each is attached to their own desire which creates conflict. If they explored that more deeply, they would realise that the feeling of desire is the same in both of them. It is linked to an anticipation of pleasure and as soon as the desire is fulfilled, the pleasure ends and they would feel empty again. If they understood that the nature of desire in both of them is the same, their conflict would end immediately. The other reason that their discussion can get quite heated is that each is attached to their view.  # Emotional Intelligence They do not understand the mechanism behind this and so there is conflict. Without realising it, we become attached to the content of our memory, because it becomes part of our identity. We then want to defend our opinions and beliefs and invent increasingly clever arguments why our view is correct. Any assertion of our identity brings us pleasure, because it strengthens the ‘me’. If both people understood the mechanism behind how our opinions are formed and how we get attached to them, the arguments would end. In this way, if we explored any feeling we would realise that the mechanism behind it is the same in all of us. We are all shaped by our past experiences, we all want to be happy and we all get hurt. In the background, our minds function in similar ways – just as computers run the same operating system even though they have different contents stored in their memory. This ‘operating system’ is the same in all human beings.  # Emotional Intelligence If we can understand this fact, it can be life changing and has been for many people across the world. We might feel less alone. Realising that our minds function in the same way as in others may allow us to accept ourselves as we are and that may bring a sense of peace. It may allow us to understand and accept others, though they may look different and have different opinions from us, and that may lead to compassion and harmony in our relationships. It would also allow human beings to come together and explore whether it is possible for us to change deeply, and live with less conflict in our lives, which would make the world a more peaceful place. We owe it to future generations to find out. This understanding is not complex, and is open to anyone who is willing to look within, accept what they see and question themselves. The book Understanding Me Understanding You and HumanWisdom enables everyone to understand themselves and how their minds work. To find our more visit humanwisdom.me. # Emotional Intelligence

Why are we critical of others?

“Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but having faults different from your own” – Anon. # empathy
Let us start with an example. If you come across someone smoking, you are much more likely to be critical of them if you are a non-smoker than if you smoke.

Why is that?
Perhaps it is because our mind compares everything we see and hears with what it knows. If we encounter something different, it creates a disturbance and a sense of irritation or anger. This is because we are attached to our point of view without realising it, and anything different feels wrong. We respond to this disturbance by being critical of the other person.
Being critical is another way of saying I am right and you are wrong, strengthening our sense of self and bringing a burst of satisfaction. These two mechanisms are automatic and work in the background, behind the screen of our awareness. This is why being critical of others can become an unconscious habit. https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/
To understand why we are critical of others, watch this short video:
The role of conditioning
Unfortunately, this can result in conflict because no one likes being criticised, especially if our irritation or anger is evident in our tone. If we do it repeatedly, it can damage a person’s self-esteem. It can also diminish us because we become closed to different ways of seeing and doing things.
Criticism is neither good nor bad and sometimes entirely necessary. If we can, however, understand the mechanism behind it, we can respond with intelligence rather than automatically. We may still say something critical, but in a way that does not convey our irritation or anger and trigger a defensive response. We may also just pause and ask if we need to say anything and accept other points of view as equally valid.
To learn more about criticism and ways to cope with it, download the HumanWisdom app or visit       humanwisdom.me  # empathy

Why are we critical of ourselves

In this blog, we will explore the question of ‘Why are we critical of ourselves?’. Some degree of self-criticism is healthy, but for many people it can be a cause of deep unhappiness and low self-esteem. Sometimes it can manifest as an eating disorder, or as chronic anxiety. It makes us more sensitive to criticism from others as well as making us more critical of other people.                      https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/ Our pain demands our attention so we can become self-absorbed, and lose our sensitivity to the people in our lives. It can also distort our ability to think clearly and become a habit which we can’t seem to change. So what is behind this feeling? At its core is the difference between who we are, and who we would like to be, which we can call our images of ourselves. We are this and want to be that, which we think will make us happy. # self-compassion The difference between our images and our reality is what causes our pain. I may be overweight and want to be thin, or thin and want to look more muscular, or be more loved, or more important, or be better at something, and so on. This process goes on automatically and we are blind to it. We do not realise that we have accumulated all these images from our environment, and this has happened without our consent. For example, we may not see the link between reading a fashion magazine and thinking we need to lose weight. So what can we do? We could start by observing our images and the hidden way they act in our lives. We may then realise that our problem lies not in who we are but in our images of who we want to be, and just let them go. This understanding would allow us to just accept ourselves, which would bring so much peace to our lives. To find our more visit humanwisdom.me

 # self-compassion

Why are we educated

The world of knowledge has changed so dramatically in the last 25 years. Now we can have all the knowledge we need at the click of a button. So much information that was once difficult to access, is available to everyone who has an internet connection. https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/ # education  For the older generation, owning an encyclopaedia was the ultimate source of knowledge while growing up, and really expensive. Now it’s free. In fact, the problem is the opposite- too much information, and not knowing how to make sense of it. But our education system has not changed. It is still largely rooted in sharing and memorising information, and we are examined on this very narrow ability of the brain. Why is it still important to memorise all this information, when it’s all available at the click of a button? It is still designed to help us get a job, and prepare us for the companies that are looking for workers. We think that earning a living is the most important thing in life. There is one other way in which our education system has not changed. It is still focused on teaching us about the world around us, but not at all about ourselves. We know much more about mathematics and science than about loneliness, fear or the art of happy relationships. Why is that? At HumanWisdom we believe that learning about ourselves is perhaps more important now than ever before, because that allows us to live with joy, and a sense of peace, and be excellent human beings, successful on the inside, and in the world. education Inspiring Growth: Understanding the Significance of Motive Description in Education Empowering Through Education: Unveiling the Significance of Knowledge and Exploring the Depths of Related Content for Lifelong Growth and Success.See humanwisdom.me. # education 

Why do we feel hurt?

Why do we feel hurt? In this blog, we’d like to explore the question of why human beings feel hurt and the many benefits that enquiry could bring. This feeling of being hurt is not unique to any one person but the same in all human beings, so we can explore this together, just by looking at ourselves clearly. #healing That understanding itself can bring change. So what are the common ways we get hurt? We get hurt when our expectations are not met.  We may expect a friend to call us on our birthday, and when they don’t we feel bad. # healing We also have many psychological needs, which we are not aware of and expect others to fulfil. We want to be loved and respected, feel important, be listened to and understood and so on. If these needs are not met, we can feel hurt. We also get hurt when we are criticized. # healing https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/  If someone is a surgeon and you are critical of their surgical skills, they would feel hurt. If on the other hand you say they are a useless cook, they would probably laugh and agree with you. The difference is that they have an opinion or image of themselves as a good surgeon, but don’t regard themselves as a good cook. # healing We have many such images of ourselves, which we are not aware of, and when they are challenged, we get hurt. We can get hurt when an opinion or belief we are attached to is challenged- if someone says something bad about our religion for example. So, how do we respond when we get hurt? We usually blame the other person for hurting us, even though the expectation or image or strong opinion that caused the hurt in the first place was created by our own thinking. We may react by withdrawing our affection and not speaking to the other person, who may not know we have been hurt, and not understand why. Sometimes our hurt leads us to get angry, and that can lead to violence and we can see the effects of that in the world. There are many benefits of understanding this process more deeply. # healing It may make us take responsibility for the feeling and not blame others for hurting us, because the ultimate cause of being hurt lies in us, in our reaction to what has happened. # healing This may push us to understand the whole process by which our images, expectations, opinions and psychological needs are created and see the link between them and getting hurt. As a result of this understanding we may not react in the usual way by withdrawing our affection or with anger or violence and that may help not only bring harmony to our relationships- but also bring peace to a troubled world. To find out more visit humanwisdom.me. #healing

Unveiling the Impact of Climate Change: Exploring Global Warming, Environmental Sustainability, and Renewable Solutions

Title: Using our wisdom to tackle climate change – by understanding the mind where the problem begins
In this blog, we’d like to explore a new way of addressing the problem of climate change – by understanding the way our shared human mind functions. Scientists say it is the greatest threat facing humanity and despite the efforts of many governments, the problem is getting worse. How can we respond?
We know that rising greenhouse gas levels, which are responsible for global warming, are caused by increasing human consumption and a rising population.


The three factors which are driving this rising consumption – are our need for pleasure which comes from buying things we may not need, our fear which makes us want more and more, and our conditioning influences which make us want what others have because we think that will make us happy. https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/
Buying things that we don’t need and having new experiences bring us pleasure. We identify ourselves with our experiences and our possessions, and that strengthens the sense of self or the I, which makes us feel good. We seek gratification through pleasure, but this feeling of excitement from buying something or having a new experience, quickly fades away until there is a need for it to be replaced by new ones, and that leads to increased consumption.
So, why do we have this constant craving for pleasure? Perhaps it is because deep inside we have this sense of restlessness or emptiness, which we are not aware of, and the stimulation that pleasure brings covers up that feeling of the void, if only for a short period of time.
Explore this video that allows us to understand how wisdom can help tackle climate change:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2zcg6wLK1c
We are not satisfied with how much we have, and always want more. We want to accumulate wealth, not only because it brings us pleasure, but because we fear the future, which is often operating in the background. Exploring and understanding our sense of emptiness and our fear of the future can bring a natural stillness and sense of peace within, and with that, the need for pleasure also recedes.
The origin of the climate crisis, therefore, lies in the way our minds operate – in our need for pleasure and new experiences and our fear of the future, all of which lead to overconsumption. If we are able to tackle this problem in the long term, this is where we must direct our energy.
We can do this through education, where young people could be taught not only about the world around them but also about themselves. If we can do this, we could address this problem in a generation. Let us not say it cannot be done without even trying. It’s not as hard as it seems. Future generations are counting on us.
As Nelson Mandela said ‘It always seems impossible until it is done.’
To find out more about how wisdom can help you, and how it can address the problem of climate change, download the HumanWisdom app or visit humanwisdom.me.

Obstacles to self-understanding

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle # personal development
There are many benefits of inquiry and learning about yourself. These include living with a sense of peace and contentment from within and having happier relationships. There are however many obstacles that can get in the way of this journey of learning about ourselves, and in this article, we are going to explore some of them.


As we look within, our image of ourselves may be challenged. We may realize that we are not as loving and kind as we thought we were and that may challenge the image we have created of ourselves as kind and loving people. Or we may think we are good listeners, when in fact we are not. This creates a conflict in our minds and may push us to stop exploring further. It is important to keep going because it is only in understanding and accepting ourselves as we are that we can change if we need to, and find peace within. # personal development
Our fear of change can block our inquiry. As we look at ourselves we may realize that there are aspects of our lives that need to change, like our jobs, our relationships, and our addiction to shopping, or the phone. The possibility of change may however make us feel insecure and anxious, and that blocks any further exploration of our own personality. It is important, however, to explore our fear and keep going, because the understanding that flows from this brings its own insight, and change follows without effort. https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/
Watch this short video to understand how wisdom can help you with your self-discovery:
Video – https://humanwisdom.me/course/adults/benefits-of-enquiry/s26011
Understanding ourselves feels unfamiliar – something we have never done. While exploring the cause of fear, we may say ‘But it’s only human to be afraid’ and give up without even taking the first step. When it comes to problems in the outside world, we humans are so good at solving them – look at the advances in medicine for example. Why do we assume, without trying, that our internal problems like fear and sorrow have no solution? Surely, we are very capable and do much better than that.
We may be keen and have read many books on self-inquiry and know it all, but get frustrated because, despite all that knowledge, we find that there is no real change. The difficulty here perhaps is that we may be repeating what others have said, and not have taken the effort to look at ourselves deeply. It is only in looking at ourselves as we are that real understanding and change come.
Being aware of these pitfalls in our journey of self-inquiry may help us to avoid them and keep going. It leads to wisdom, compassion, and goodness and is a lifelong journey.
To find out more download the HumanWisdom app, or visit humanwisdom. me. 

# personal development

What is conditioning?

What is conditioning? https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/ In this blog, we will explore the subject of conditioning- which is a process by which all of our past experiences are stored in our memory and then act from behind the screen of our awareness to influence our thoughts and actions. When we are young, we may think that the opinions we have are ours, and the decisions we make about our life are also ours, but in truth, they are just a response to our particular conditioning. Let us go through some examples of conditioning. If one person reads a right-wing newspaper that is critical of immigration, for example, then that becomes their opinion. If someone else reads a left-wing newspaper that supports it, they begin to think it’s a good thing. When they meet and have an argument about immigration, they just repeat what they have read- except now it has become ‘their’ opinion which they want to defend. They have been conditioned – in this case by the media. Or if you are born in Belfast, depending on which street you lived you would grow up as a Catholic or as a Protestant and adopt the views and beliefs of the people around you. Or if you live in the US, you may think it’s every person’s right to carry a gun, but if you live in Europe you think that’s not right. If we have suffered some traumatic experience it conditions us, and in some cases for a lifetime. In this way, we are conditioned by our parents, our society, the media, our culture, and all our experiences. Our conditioning affects every aspect of our lives including our relationships, our opinions, our career choices, our sense of what we can do in life, and our daily habits. This process of conditioning is common to all human beings and we never question it because we are not aware of the process occurring in the background. Hundreds of billions of dollars are spent every year by various organizations to try and influence people to think in a particular way. They would not do that if they did not think the human mind can be easily influenced. In order to live an intelligent life, and not be controlled by outside influences and our own past, it is absolutely vital to wake up and question our conditioning and see the link between that and our thoughts and actions. That awareness brings its own intelligence and change occurs without effort. We realize then that we do not have to be slaves to our past, and all our conditioning. We cannot erase our memories as that would be foolish, but we can break that link between our past and our present through inquiry and awareness, and live a much more intelligent and rich life. Understanding the process of conditioning may also allow us to live with compassion because we can see that others are just acting from their particular past, just as we do from ours. To find out more please visit humanwisdom.me.

Understanding Others is Easier if We Understand Ourselves: Cultivating Empathy, Emotional Intelligence, and Personal Growth

Understanding ourselves In order to be happy and do well in life we need to get on with others and understand them. The best way of doing that is to understand ourselves deeply because as we have explored before, the human mind functions in the same way in all of us.# self-discovery

Understanding ourselves also leads to a sense of inner peace. So- how do we begin? Just as we see a bird flying across the sky, just watching it without commenting, we could observe our thoughts and feelings as they rise in us.# self-discovery . That’s the first step. The second step is to go deeper and explore where these thoughts and feelings come from and the hidden mechanisms behind them. In that exploration lies a wealth of understanding which brings intelligence, wisdom, and change that can occur without effort. This journey of self-inquiry needs no special expertise, just a keenness to find out and a certain sensitivity. It is important that we are honest with ourselves and accept what we find. It is also important not to judge ourselves as good or bad because that blocks further questioning. Here are 2 examples. Suppose we go and see a movie with some friends. Some think it was wonderful, and others didn’t like it at all. The discussion gets quite heated. ‘Why does everyone have a different opinion of the same movie, and why are we so attached to our particular view? On exploring further it is clear that our perception of a situation and hence our opinion is determined by the content of our memory- which includes all our past experiences and our conditioning. https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/ Because the opinions come from our minds, we get attached to them and want to defend them. We are not aware of this process working in the background. We are sure our opinions are correct and never question them. Others do the same and that can lead to conflict. This applies to all walks of life. Understanding this process may allow us to explore situations from different perspectives, without being attached to a single one, and this would make our interactions with others so much easier. Another example could be noticing in a conversation how poorly we all listen to each other. We are more interested in speaking about ourselves and less interested in others. Most people are not aware of this. If we explored it further, we would realize that speaking about ourselves strengthens the ‘me’ and that brings us pleasure. This understanding may make us better listeners and improve all our relationships. In this way, we can explore the entire spectrum of our thoughts and feelings. The understanding that flows from this will help us get on better with others. It will also make us more comfortable in our own skin and result in a sense of inner peace. To find out more please visit humanwisdom.me. # self-discovery

The Purpose of Education.

Our education system is failing children and teachers.
This is how we can fix it.# learning

The purpose of this thinkpiece is to ask questions of our global education system, to create a discussion and to look at education with fresh eyes.
The world is changing rapidly, at a pace we are struggling to keep up with. Our education system is at a standstill, based as it is in the era of the industrial revolution. We are in the age of the technological revolution, a communication revolution, and an information revolution.

Wisdom has never been more needed to address the challenges the world faces. Wisdom can begin by asking questions, especially those we usually don’t ask. https://blogs.humanwisdom.me/

Have we got education upside down?
The root of the word ‘education’ is ‘educere’ which means ‘to draw out.’
Do we believe our children come into the world as empty vessels waiting to be filled with knowledge, skills and understanding? Or do they come into the world with built in abilities; innate curiosity, creativity, well-being, resilience, intelligence, and happiness?

Watch children as they look at the world around them. Everything is new, all is to be explored. A child taking their first steps does not give up after the first attempt. Falling down after each attempt is not labelled as a failure. The same child does not look at other toddlers taking their first steps and think how much better the other children are at walking. Parents do not judge their child for the first failures, or even consider them a failure. It is part of the natural process of learning that is innate in every child.

Watch the children in a Nursery as they play imaginatively without consideration for how they might look to others. The imagination they are born with runs wild as they express themselves freely. A child who paints their first picture is not assessed or judged then given a label as a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ artist. They are celebrated for using the qualities within them and encouraged to keep going. But this raises another question:

Does our school system educate these qualities into our children or out of them?
As our children move on from early years education we begin to give less importance to these innate qualities in favour of an ever narrowing range of subjects. We begin the measuring, labelling, comparing and judging process that is built into our system. We look at a narrow range of abilities such as academic subjects and the children are shown that if they can meet the expectations of the teachers in that narrow range of subjects, or do well in exams, then they will be a ‘success.’ If they don’t, they will be a ‘failure’.

What do we mean by that word success? A world where you are successful if you are better than the person next to you? A world of competition and a race to the top rather than collaboration for the benefit of all? Should schools, colleges and universities be competing with each other to attain a better set of exam results, or try and get the ‘best’ students so their grades will be higher?

We have an education system that measures children, compares them, then places them in a band of below average, average or above average. A system that judges them based on those measurements and tells them if they are successful or failures. We do this because we think knowledge is important. It is, but is it important to memorise it and test students on that ability, when it is all easily accessible on the phone or computer anyway?

By giving them so much information to assimilate and memorise are we destroying their own curiosity and their love for learning?

When we measure, compare, label and judge our children are we teaching them to do the same to themselves? Are we guilty of creating the problems we see in the world today? These include mental health issues, stress, anxiety, body image problems – the list goes on.

Do the labels we place on our children lead them to believe they are limited, and have nothing unique to offer the world? Does it encourage them to follow a path in life that is not their true calling, but based on fear, or what others expect of them?

Do we then apply the same principles of measuring, comparing, labelling and judging to our teachers and to the institutions in which they serve? Are the labels and judgements we place on our schools and teachers enabling them to make the difference they want to make in the lives of our children, or is it creating a narrow curriculum which is disempowering teachers and leading to frustration, stress, burnout and a disenfranchised profession?

Is there an overreliance on a knowledge-based curriculum in a world where information is available literally at our fingertips? Knowledge plays its part. But the biggest leaps of mankind have come from the innate wisdom and genius that is within us. Helping children tap into their innate wisdom should be the real purpose of education. This wisdom comes from a deeper self-understanding and brings creativity, intelligence and curiosity to the forefront and enables us to live with joy, and find solutions to our problems.

If our current model of education is the cause of these problems, then it could also be the solution. At present we teach children merely about the world around them, but not about themselves. As a result, they may know all about chemistry or maths, but do not know how to make good decisions for their lives, deal with stress and anxiety, have healthy relationships, avoid addiction, be kind, or live with a sense of peace. By including self-knowledge into the curriculum children would be able to access their own wisdom and have the tools to be successful as human beings, and also be successful in the world.

It is time for a fresh approach where knowledge has its place, but memorising and repeating it is less important. Instead we need to nurture the innate curiosity and love for learning which children already have. This learning needs to be about themselves, as well as the world around them.

If we are to change the future of humanity, we need to begin by having a fresh approach to education. We need to change education so it no longer adds to the stress and anxiety young people feel, but helps them be happy, mentally and physically healthy, and have the wisdom and skills to deal with the many challenges the coming century will bring. This is what we are trying to do with the Human Wisdom Project. To find out more listen to this podcast https://humanwisdom.podbean.com/e/human-wisdom-project/, and visit https://humanwisdom.me. You can also download the HumanWisdom app from the Apple or Google store.# learning

This is a short video introduction to the HumanWisdom app – https://youtu.be/GYbpYnkGJ0U
If you would like to begin a conversation or get involved, please contact:
Dominic Curran,
Head of Education, Human Wisdom Project.
dominic@humanwisdom.me.